Single mothers cut across levels of education and finances; they are simple women that have been left with the precious, albeit challenging, duty of raising children alone writes
Samira Sawlani.
The house girl came to clean the flat and we talked - as women are wont to do. In the conversation, she revealed that she had two daughters - aged six and eight months - and I continued asking about them. She politely answered until one question robbed her of her speech.
What does their daddy do? After the silence had passed, the answers came. The father of her children had left her for another woman when she was halfway through her second pregnancy. He had not visited or seen her and the children since then. He had not offered any form of financial support nor shown any interest in the affairs of the children.
He had simply walked out one day, leaving the children alone at home, along with all his belongings. He also did not offer any explanation but at least made a phone call to say he would not be returning. The children were now her responsibility as was providing for them, running the home and making ends meet along with doing all the tasks that come with parenthood.
That same week, a friend, who is well educated and working in the media, told me about bringing up her three-year-old single-handedly. Her boyfriend wanted her to abort the baby and when she refused, he left her - another man who has missed out on seeing his daughter grow up, providing moral, emotional and financial support for the child. And in this case, he did not make a call to say he was not coming back.
Yet again, she, like other single mothers in Uganda, is bringing up her child, paying kindergarten education and also juggling work at the office. Single mothers cut across levels of education and financial; they are simple women that have been left with the precious, albeit challenging, duty of raising children alone. The fathers of the children have generally decided to abandon ship and the women have bravely taken on the task of being father and mother to their children.
Men choose to leave at any point in the relationship, even though their partners are in dire need of their help and support. For example, I met a woman who had recently given birth and had been involved with the father of her child for five years. However, since the baby was born, he had visited a handful of times.
Due to the lack of financial support she was given, she had to return to work early in order to have a steady income. And once again, he joined the number of men who abandon their responsibility to contribute towards bringing up of their children. Absent fathers is an issue, which affects women across Uganda today, regardless of their age, tribe, profession or background.
A woman can bump into the father of her child on the street on any given day. He may even inquire about the child’s well-being and still not make any effort to provide for her or him. Yet many of these men can be found spending money in bars on drinks, other women and anything else they fancy except their spawn.
The presence of organisations and relevant authorities, where such complaints by single mothers are addressed, does not threaten men into doing what is right by the children. These organizations have registered some successful stories of fathers who were made to pay for child support. However, for many women, taking action against their children’s fathers is difficult and they give up the fight for support.
But why is this trend growing?
Many men state that unemployment and the absence of well paying jobs leaves them unable to provide for any children, which would suggest that single motherhood is just another consequence of the economic challenges facing the country today. Many women dismiss this and argue that it is some men’s mindset that has created this matter.
The obsession with drinking, hanging out, avoiding commitment and for some womanising means that money is spent on these escapades; leaving little care and thought for their children. Others suggest that a lack of legislation and assistance to ensure that men are made to pay is what allows them to easily get away with such behaviour and leave women in the lurch.
This is what happened to the housemaid whose man disappeared to the village, leaving her with no way to bring him to justice. The large number of fathers abandoning their children or refusing to provide any sort of financial support is becoming more common in Uganda, as children grow so does the cost of maintaining them and too many women are being left with the burden of such costs.
This is just another indication of where society is failing; to an extent the economic challenges that many face in finding employment and decent wages and alcohol culture have played a part in the existence of single mothers. However, more importantly it is the lack of emphasis placed upon this issue by government that is failing single mothers across the country. The absence of a structured form of enforcement to force fathers to look after their children is lacking.
The government and police should make it easy and for single mothers with cases against the fathers of their children to report their issues without bureaucracy that puts women off.
The number of women having to bring up children without financial support from the fathers seems to be on the rise. So some men need to be woken up to their responsibilities towards their children and this can only be done once the government is woken up to the responsibility it has towards its citizens, particularly single mothers.
