Evil Twin

Dear Evil Twin,

You have been with me since the day someone said "you are stupid". You started out as a small whisper and grew into a loud booming voice that paralyzed me from the truth.  I grew up hearing "your not good enough, your to fat, at least your pretty, and What were you thinking." I spend most of my childhood trying to overcome you, but somewhere in the age of growing you became my standard...

I listen to you when opportunity came knocking, and turned it down because your truth rang in my ears. I have let you put me in a slimy pit of Hell and wallow in depression. When the voice became loud and part of my normal everyday thinking... it never dawn on me that I could have abound life with real truth.  I listened to you that one night in the bar, and ended up regretting what came from that night. I listened to you when it came to taking that chance for college. I listened to you when it came to that hot day in August. I listened to you the day I watched the ultrasound.  I listened to you the day I got an email from someone with shocking news. I listened to you when I got a visited late one night. I listened to you when I watch my only son walk away. I listened to you the night that I watch my life fall apart. I listened to you the day I could barley make it home from work. Finally I listen to you the day I walked away from my best friend.

Your words rang in my head:

You deserve what you got!
You are not smart enough for that college!
You wont find anyone better!
You can't even carry a baby!
You are not good enough for him!
You never will get anyone to pursue you like a dying man pursuing water in a desert!
You never going to be a good mother!
You never will be good enough for yourself!
You should just ask God to swallow you whole!
You never be good enough for God to use you!


I am writing to tell you that I am done with you.... I have found a really truth.... a truth that started out as a small whisper, but has become a whisper of truth!!!!! And I have a few word for you!!!!!

I never deserve to be treated like that because I am a child of God!
I am smart enough and God created me for His glory!
I only need God and His wisdom to carry me through!
God has blessed me with two beautiful children and hopefully more in the future!!!
I am a prize of God's eyes and He smiles on me from above!!!!
I am a good mother because God entrusted me with two beautiful children and anything I am lacking God will give me through His instruction!
God created me specially for him and he has great plans for me!!!
God always uses the broken so that his strength can be seen!!!!
I might never find a man that will pursue me like a dying man pursuing water in a desert, but I have found a man who was beaten, mocked, spit on, and then dragged a heave cross up a road of shame, then nailed to it and asked to taken on my sin and died on a cross.... that is a man that I need in my life!!!!!

So to you, the evil twin who has now been put back into her spot and crushed by God's Word. I am through with you... you have been replaced... and thrown into a dark pit and slammed the locked door and thrown away the key.... so this is good-bye not for now but forever!!!! I will not shad a tear at this good-bye, but shout for joy that my chains are gone and I have been set free!!!!

Nikki